12/4/15- The Intro

It's my one year anniversary.  But not the kind you automatically think of when you hear anniversary (wedding, job, maybe even a passing).  It's been one year since I returned to work from maternity leave.  It's been a year filled with such mixed emotions-- I'm missing my son's 1st year of development (sadness and anger); woo, I've shown myself and the world that I can do this working parent thing (happiness);  I've gotten back some self identity (relief); and I'm setting an example for my son (pride).  One minute I'm happy I went back work, and the next I'm regretting it.  But I did it. I don't have anything to prove to myself anymore.  Except that I can do more. That I want to do more.  

That's why I'm writing this blog.  I yearn for more than just what my current work offers; I yearn for a challenge in the work I produce.  My family and friends, my personal life, make me so happy, but work is just so-so.  I think it is because once you create something so beautiful (for me that is my son) you can't go back to the mundane, and my work is mundane.  I like calling myself an engineer, but I've been on the same project for 8 years now and doing the same tasks for the past 2-3 years (our project is in maintenance mode).  My boss has tried to give me challenges, but it's really just a derivative of something I'm currently doing or something I've done in the past.  I need more.

It also doesn't help that my Rheumatoid Arthritis and immune system have decided to go crazy on me.  I was in remission during pregnancy (seriously medical researches, bottle that and serve it up as a cure), but about 3-4 months after giving birth, my CRP levels jumped high again, and it's been a struggle since (more to come in following posts about my health, in case you're super dying to hear about how NOT fun autoimmune diseases are).  I'm blessed to have a boss who understands and a company that lets me work remotely on the sharky* days.  I won't deny that.  It's just if I'm going to be feeling Jaws, then I at least want to be working on something that intrigues me.  Something that, even though I want to lay in bed all day, makes me go, I don't care how mako I feel, I'm getting up and doing it!  

So yep, that's the back story for this blog.  It's about complaining about work and R.A.  Haha, no (although I will probably whine, you'll just have to deal with that and offer me some cheese or find another blog, (but please don't leave!)).   It's about creating something and finding work products fun again (while still doing my day job). For me to share my life as an engineer/mom/wife/RA patient/aspiring writer/cookie lover/other stuff  with you (seriously that Meredith Brooks song, I kind of get it now).

Because I know I'm not alone in being an engineer/mom/wife/RA patient/aspiring writer/cookie lover/other stuff.  In fact, I bet if you are a parent reading this, you remember your return to work after maternity/paternity leave and all the different emotions that came with that day.  It's a day most parents remember for the rest of their lives.  Such an awful and wonderful day, at least for me.  Tell me how it was for you in the comments.

Now how to end this post.  Sincerely, Jack's mom?  xoxo, Suzie?  The end?  You get the idea.  Tata for now!  Roger and out! Ok, I'm stopping, I swear.  (after a while crocodile)  

*My friends and I were talking about how we probably shouldn't curse around my 1 year old.  It's so hard not to curse around children; it's like forbidden fruit, making you want to do it even more.  So my friend purposed a code word.  Then someone in the group (I honestly don't remember) purposed shark as the substitute/code word.  Shark, hammer head, great white, jaws, anything shark related, really works well a substitute curse word.  Try it.  It's fun.  You'll see.