It's been raining the past couple of days in Phoenix; what we call winter. It's still 63 degrees out, but the overcast skies and pattering of rain definitely give the winter vibe. It also makes things gloomy (said captain obvious), and this sense of gloom, it's hard for me to shake right now.
There's been medical issues ailing my mother, which I think in the end will be okay. It's just a lot of unknowns for her right now. Jack had a cold that induced asthma, and the poor guy had an inhaler for the past five days. He's doing a lot better now, and the cold seems to be almost gone. The rain always causes swelling and inflammation for my joints and sinuses, so yet another reminder that my body isn't in tip top shape.
All these things accumulate as a reminder that I'm doing a job that is just a job; my job brings no satisfaction or career path. If I only have a finite number of days left on this realm, then I want my work to be somewhat enjoyable to me. I know it's such a US privileged way of looking at work, that we should be doing something we like, but I am too sad about my job to think of it in any other way. I'm ready to move on from the work job blues, and have my winter blues be only about the weather.
If you didn't know, I one thing I really enjoy is writing, so much so, that last year I published my first children's book, Annie Aardvark, Mathematician. The book publishing date was January 19, 2017, and to celebrate the book's "birthday," I've set up a giveaway on Amazon! Just following the link below for a chance to win 1 of 2 books that I'm giving away. A celebration among the dreary winter is a good pick me up.
I do hope to follow up Annie with a sequel later this year (probably much later this year), and that next book will temporarily stop the unhappiness I feel about my job. I am much fulfilled outside of my day job with Jack and Bobby, friends and family, and my writing. These blues are temporary, much like most things in winter (snow storms, dead trees, gray skies, etc). Until the second book is out, I do wish you all a good winter, and that the spring breezes sweep away the blues, but really the grays, of winter.
Now for the celebration--
BOOK GIVEAWAY LINK: https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/dcabeb461efc536d
Showing posts with label shark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shark. Show all posts
Friday, February 16, 2018
Sunday, January 14, 2018
1/12/18- Exercising When You Feel Like Shark
Yesterday I had a headache from about 4 am until 10 pm. 2 Advil and 2 Tylenol helped me power through work. Bobby was able to pick up Jack from preschool, and they grabbed dinner. And while I laid, cuddling with Jack on the couch last night, I thought about how I should walk the dogs. How I should get exercise. And then I thought, why don't I allow myself just to rest tonight? The answer is guilt.
I see my friends sharing on social media all the exercise they are getting, some of them with autoimmune diseases like me (props to them), and I feel guilty that all I want is rest. I feel guilty when the doctor suggests that my health (and joints) will be better if I get a little exercise. I feel guilty that Jack wants me to play and dance with him, but all I can do is watch him from the couch. I feel guilty that dogs love taking their walks, but I tell them tomorrow.
But it's silly to feel guilty about exercise when you're sick. If I had a cold or the flu, people would tell me to rest, and most likely I would. So if I have a headache, because of inflammation from the RA, then I should rest. Rest is just as important as exercise when you have RA or other autoimmune diseases, so I should honor when my body is telling me to rest.
And the times I feel moderate to excellent, I will capitalize on that and exercise. The exercise might only be folding the laundry, dancing with Jack, or walking the dogs because I'm not going to push myself and then inadvertently cause inflammation. I want to find the right balance of exercise, so that I'm not resting all the time. I do enjoy walking the dogs or playing with Jack.
The balance between exercise and rest is delicate when living with RA, and I don't want to feel guilty for those days when I need rest. I want stop feeling guilty about what my body (and mind) needs. If I need, or want, to rest, then I should rest. I should not be worrying about exercising when I feel like shark (and I think neither should you). Join me on the couch and say no to exercising when you feel like shark.
I see my friends sharing on social media all the exercise they are getting, some of them with autoimmune diseases like me (props to them), and I feel guilty that all I want is rest. I feel guilty when the doctor suggests that my health (and joints) will be better if I get a little exercise. I feel guilty that Jack wants me to play and dance with him, but all I can do is watch him from the couch. I feel guilty that dogs love taking their walks, but I tell them tomorrow.
#WhatSickLooksLike
But it's silly to feel guilty about exercise when you're sick. If I had a cold or the flu, people would tell me to rest, and most likely I would. So if I have a headache, because of inflammation from the RA, then I should rest. Rest is just as important as exercise when you have RA or other autoimmune diseases, so I should honor when my body is telling me to rest.
And the times I feel moderate to excellent, I will capitalize on that and exercise. The exercise might only be folding the laundry, dancing with Jack, or walking the dogs because I'm not going to push myself and then inadvertently cause inflammation. I want to find the right balance of exercise, so that I'm not resting all the time. I do enjoy walking the dogs or playing with Jack.
The balance between exercise and rest is delicate when living with RA, and I don't want to feel guilty for those days when I need rest. I want stop feeling guilty about what my body (and mind) needs. If I need, or want, to rest, then I should rest. I should not be worrying about exercising when I feel like shark (and I think neither should you). Join me on the couch and say no to exercising when you feel like shark.
Monday, July 3, 2017
7/3/17- Hello Impostor; I See You've Failed
I thought I was done feeling like an impostor; 13 years into my job as engineer, I do not doubt my engineering skills anymore. I doubt the place that I work, but I do not doubt that I've got something to offer as an engineer. For the first 5 years of my (engineering) job, I doubted my engineering capability. Being sick and discovering I had RA, made those feelings of impostor and fraud linger a little longer than I felt they should have. But as soon as my health issue was figured out, and I got project experience under my belt, I no longer felt like a phony. Every couple of years, I'll acknowledge that there are engineers who are smarter than me (on my team), but I am not a dummy; I know the work and how to do the work. I can do it in my sleep now (ugh, sometimes I dream about analyzing completing systems reliability tickets). So I have said good-bye impostor syndrome.
Or so I thought. Two years ago, I decided I would write a blog. And then I decided I would write and publish a children's book. I've done just that-- I published a children's book. I have also published pieces with Highlights and STEM Media and guest blogged for Tech Love. Technically, I am a published author. But I don't feel like one. I feel like I am another silly, stupid, and annoying person who thinks she can write in the same school (not class) as great, amazing, best selling, and world-renowned authors. But I'm not one of them. I am not in the same class as them.
I'm pretty sure I don't belong in the writing and publishing industry. After all, I'm just an engineer-- what right do I have asking to be in the writing and publishing industry? I have no degree in writing, my only formal (college level or higher) writing classes were English 101 and 102, and technical writing does not equate to creative writing. I haven't toiled for decades in perfecting my craft to finally land a book deal. How can I, after just a couple of years of playing around and pretending to be a writer, expect to get an agent/book deal/traditionally published book? I am naive and stupid in thinking that. I don't belong here. I am an impostor in the book/writing/publishing industry. And I feel like such a failure. A big, fat failure.
It doesn't matter that people have bought my indie published children's book. It doesn't matter that friends and family share with me that they book the book and how much they like the book. It doesn't matter that I get photos of smiling kids reading my book. It doesn't matter when bloggers and book critics write positive things about the book. It doesn't matter that the book got featured on podcasts. It doesn't matter that my book has received a couple of awards. I still feel like a failure. I feel it's time to hang up my author hat, pat myself on the back, and tell myself, you tried, but now it's time to move on. Time to stop fooling yourself and others; time to acknowledge that you are an impostor.
This irrational feeling of failure and impostor, well, I know it's irrational. I never expected to make the New York Times Best Seller list, and my selling expectation was in the low hundreds (which close at 85 sells so far). I also know it takes a long, long time to find an agent and get a book published traditionally, and I knew indie publishing my book wouldn't bring agents and publishers knocking on my door. I just knew that I loved the story and had the means to share it. All I could hope for is that others would it love too. And when the rational voice in my head is speaking, I know that my hope, of others loving the story, is true.
All the stuff I said above that doesn't matter, well, rational voice knows that it does matter. People liking/loving the book, the awards, and the best part, photos of happy kids reading my book, that all matters. I'm so appreciative of all that; those things are huge and wonderful accomplishments. When I let the rational voice talk, and remind me of those huge and wonderful accomplishments, I don't feel like a loser, a failure, an impostor. If I truly look at it, I've accomplished some pretty cool things in the writing world. And I have so many other stories I want to share. No way am I done yet with this industry. I'm here to stay.
I just have to keep working at this writing thing and to tell the irrational impostor voice to shut the shark up! Impostor voice, where you see failure, I will embrace the mistakes and see a chance to learn and grow. Where you say I've accomplished nothing, I see many kids enjoying the book and great reviews. Where you say, it's time to quit, I remind you that writing is fun and that you have another story to write. Where you sing Beck's "I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me", I change the lyrics to "one day I'll kill it".
One day (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will kill it in the book world, and stop doubting my capability as a writer, and my impostor syndrome will subside again. Until then, hello impostor, I see you've failed (in making me completely doubt myself). So shut the shark up already! I have writing to do!
Need more info on the impostor syndrome, check out this:
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/26/your-money/learning-to-deal-with-the-impostor-syndrome.html
And this:
https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/5-tips-tackling-impostor-syndrome
Or so I thought. Two years ago, I decided I would write a blog. And then I decided I would write and publish a children's book. I've done just that-- I published a children's book. I have also published pieces with Highlights and STEM Media and guest blogged for Tech Love. Technically, I am a published author. But I don't feel like one. I feel like I am another silly, stupid, and annoying person who thinks she can write in the same school (not class) as great, amazing, best selling, and world-renowned authors. But I'm not one of them. I am not in the same class as them.
I'm pretty sure I don't belong in the writing and publishing industry. After all, I'm just an engineer-- what right do I have asking to be in the writing and publishing industry? I have no degree in writing, my only formal (college level or higher) writing classes were English 101 and 102, and technical writing does not equate to creative writing. I haven't toiled for decades in perfecting my craft to finally land a book deal. How can I, after just a couple of years of playing around and pretending to be a writer, expect to get an agent/book deal/traditionally published book? I am naive and stupid in thinking that. I don't belong here. I am an impostor in the book/writing/publishing industry. And I feel like such a failure. A big, fat failure.
It doesn't matter that people have bought my indie published children's book. It doesn't matter that friends and family share with me that they book the book and how much they like the book. It doesn't matter that I get photos of smiling kids reading my book. It doesn't matter when bloggers and book critics write positive things about the book. It doesn't matter that the book got featured on podcasts. It doesn't matter that my book has received a couple of awards. I still feel like a failure. I feel it's time to hang up my author hat, pat myself on the back, and tell myself, you tried, but now it's time to move on. Time to stop fooling yourself and others; time to acknowledge that you are an impostor.
This irrational feeling of failure and impostor, well, I know it's irrational. I never expected to make the New York Times Best Seller list, and my selling expectation was in the low hundreds (which close at 85 sells so far). I also know it takes a long, long time to find an agent and get a book published traditionally, and I knew indie publishing my book wouldn't bring agents and publishers knocking on my door. I just knew that I loved the story and had the means to share it. All I could hope for is that others would it love too. And when the rational voice in my head is speaking, I know that my hope, of others loving the story, is true.
All the stuff I said above that doesn't matter, well, rational voice knows that it does matter. People liking/loving the book, the awards, and the best part, photos of happy kids reading my book, that all matters. I'm so appreciative of all that; those things are huge and wonderful accomplishments. When I let the rational voice talk, and remind me of those huge and wonderful accomplishments, I don't feel like a loser, a failure, an impostor. If I truly look at it, I've accomplished some pretty cool things in the writing world. And I have so many other stories I want to share. No way am I done yet with this industry. I'm here to stay.
I just have to keep working at this writing thing and to tell the irrational impostor voice to shut the shark up! Impostor voice, where you see failure, I will embrace the mistakes and see a chance to learn and grow. Where you say I've accomplished nothing, I see many kids enjoying the book and great reviews. Where you say, it's time to quit, I remind you that writing is fun and that you have another story to write. Where you sing Beck's "I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me", I change the lyrics to "one day I'll kill it".
One day (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will kill it in the book world, and stop doubting my capability as a writer, and my impostor syndrome will subside again. Until then, hello impostor, I see you've failed (in making me completely doubt myself). So shut the shark up already! I have writing to do!
Need more info on the impostor syndrome, check out this:
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/26/your-money/learning-to-deal-with-the-impostor-syndrome.html
And this:
https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/5-tips-tackling-impostor-syndrome
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
11/22/16- Gratitude
Gratitude, I've heard that word a lot lately. I think with Thanksgiving around the corner (2 days!), many people start to reflect and think about what they are thankful for. I'm no exception; I'm one of those people reflecting on what I'm grateful for.
Before I start my list of gratitude, I have to say 2016 has been one sharky year for me, and it seems for the world as well. Wars, conflicts, floods, earthquakes, record high temperatures, legends lost, clowns running countries, and probably other sharky things I'm forgetting (personally this year, there's been illness and broken bones and emotional trials, blah). It's a wonder that anyone is in a thankful mood right now. But ever the optimist (although old age sure is trying to beat that out of me and make me a COE, cranky old engineer; you know the stereotype), I do realize there are still some wonderful things in my life.
The first thing I'm grateful for is my friends and family. Thank you so much to everyone who reads my blog. Hearing that you take time out of your day to read my blog means so much to me. They like me; they really, really like me! :) Even if you don't read my blog, I'm so grateful for the care and support my friends and family give me. Big hugs!
Second, the Cubs winning the world series. The Cubs winning made my husband (life long fan) so happy, and shark it, if we couldn't all use that kind of happy right now! Sure, it could be a sign of the 4 horsemen riding, but that was one of the most amazing (sport) wins I've seen. If we survive the apocalypse, that is one thing we'll still be talking about as we cage fight for food and water Mad Max style.
Next on the list, the pug. It was almost 10 years to this day that Bobby and I went to the cargo hanger at Skyharbor and picked up 2 dogs. They were both shaking in their crates from what I can only image to be the most crazy experience of their dog lives. They had lost their owner, my aunt, a few days before, and then were packed up into dog crates and flown all the way from Atlanta to Phoenix in the belly of an airplane, only to be greeted by 2 strangers and taken to a strange home that already had a dog occupant.
It was one of the best and worst Thanksgivings of my life, so I can only image for Chaps, the Pug, and Gomez, the Shih Tzu, what that Thanksgiving was like for them. Gomez is no longer with us (he passed away a few years ago), but Chaps is. He is the sweetest dog I've ever had and was Jack's first best friend (okay, Jack's first best friend might have been the ceiling fan). Chaps, you are getting a whole Turkey in celebration of your adoption birthday! I mean YOLO, right Chaps?
To lighten the mood a little, the next thing I'm grateful for is Bobby and mine's Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition of watching holiday movies. First movie up will be Trains, Planes and Automobiles. Even though I've seen that movie 20+ times, I still laugh. "Those aren't pillows!" And Christmas Vacation. And Home Alone. And dozens others. These movies just make me happy. And seriously, a good laugh right now is something I think a lot of us can use, so queue up the holiday movies!
Finally, one of the things I'm most grateful for, and it's probably obvious, is Jack and Bobby. Even when they annoy the hammerhead out of me, the next minute their making me smile with a silly face or funny joke. They also keep me going at work. When I want to quit (almost everyday), I think of how our family needs my income (I know that is so practical, but sometimes the practical reasons are good reasons to keep working). I also think about how I'm setting an example for Jack. Jack needs me to be the working woman in his life if I want him to truly understand what equal rights in the workplace means (*opinion alert! opinion alert!*).
And better than being a part of the motivation to work, Jack and Bobby are part of my inspiration to follow a dream. After Jack was born, I knew I wanted to create more beautiful things in the world (Jack is the most beautiful thing I've created, but to keep him humble, let's keep that between you and me :)). I believe with engineering that you can create and make, but the engineering job I'm currently in is all about maintenance (which is important too, but really not challenging me). There is no creating and making with my current engineering job. So for me to create and make, I decided to write a picture book.
The first picture book was inspired by Jack, observing him being curious about the appliances in our house and how they work. That manuscript is currently "in the drawer" (as author's call it). Shortly after that first manuscript, I came up with an idea to write female animal characters performing STEM jobs, in hopes of encouraging children, especially girls, to pursue those careers (assuming the slightest hint of interest, of course). Bobby helped me form the idea for the first animal character (an aardvark), and he's been a big support in getting the book to print.
That's right, the book is coming to print! Bobby and I hope to release "Annie a Mathematical Aardvark" in January of 2017! I'm so excited, happy and grateful to go on this new journey (publishing a picture book) with my guys. Jack and Bobby have been an endless well of support and inspiration, and I'll be celebrating that this Thanksgiving!
I know 2016 was a rough year for a lot of people, but if you think of something you're grateful and thankful for this year, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear about the good things that have happened to you. Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble, gobble! :)
*Update- I totally forgot to give credit to the illustrator, Davina, "Viv," Kinney for Annie! I'm thankful that Viv and I connected and for all the work she's doing on the book!
Before I start my list of gratitude, I have to say 2016 has been one sharky year for me, and it seems for the world as well. Wars, conflicts, floods, earthquakes, record high temperatures, legends lost, clowns running countries, and probably other sharky things I'm forgetting (personally this year, there's been illness and broken bones and emotional trials, blah). It's a wonder that anyone is in a thankful mood right now. But ever the optimist (although old age sure is trying to beat that out of me and make me a COE, cranky old engineer; you know the stereotype), I do realize there are still some wonderful things in my life.
The first thing I'm grateful for is my friends and family. Thank you so much to everyone who reads my blog. Hearing that you take time out of your day to read my blog means so much to me. They like me; they really, really like me! :) Even if you don't read my blog, I'm so grateful for the care and support my friends and family give me. Big hugs!
Some of My Wonderful Friends <3
Second, the Cubs winning the world series. The Cubs winning made my husband (life long fan) so happy, and shark it, if we couldn't all use that kind of happy right now! Sure, it could be a sign of the 4 horsemen riding, but that was one of the most amazing (sport) wins I've seen. If we survive the apocalypse, that is one thing we'll still be talking about as we cage fight for food and water Mad Max style.
That One Time at Wrigley
Next on the list, the pug. It was almost 10 years to this day that Bobby and I went to the cargo hanger at Skyharbor and picked up 2 dogs. They were both shaking in their crates from what I can only image to be the most crazy experience of their dog lives. They had lost their owner, my aunt, a few days before, and then were packed up into dog crates and flown all the way from Atlanta to Phoenix in the belly of an airplane, only to be greeted by 2 strangers and taken to a strange home that already had a dog occupant.
It was one of the best and worst Thanksgivings of my life, so I can only image for Chaps, the Pug, and Gomez, the Shih Tzu, what that Thanksgiving was like for them. Gomez is no longer with us (he passed away a few years ago), but Chaps is. He is the sweetest dog I've ever had and was Jack's first best friend (okay, Jack's first best friend might have been the ceiling fan). Chaps, you are getting a whole Turkey in celebration of your adoption birthday! I mean YOLO, right Chaps?
Pug in 2006
To lighten the mood a little, the next thing I'm grateful for is Bobby and mine's Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition of watching holiday movies. First movie up will be Trains, Planes and Automobiles. Even though I've seen that movie 20+ times, I still laugh. "Those aren't pillows!" And Christmas Vacation. And Home Alone. And dozens others. These movies just make me happy. And seriously, a good laugh right now is something I think a lot of us can use, so queue up the holiday movies!
Finally, one of the things I'm most grateful for, and it's probably obvious, is Jack and Bobby. Even when they annoy the hammerhead out of me, the next minute their making me smile with a silly face or funny joke. They also keep me going at work. When I want to quit (almost everyday), I think of how our family needs my income (I know that is so practical, but sometimes the practical reasons are good reasons to keep working). I also think about how I'm setting an example for Jack. Jack needs me to be the working woman in his life if I want him to truly understand what equal rights in the workplace means (*opinion alert! opinion alert!*).
<3 Three's Company <3
And better than being a part of the motivation to work, Jack and Bobby are part of my inspiration to follow a dream. After Jack was born, I knew I wanted to create more beautiful things in the world (Jack is the most beautiful thing I've created, but to keep him humble, let's keep that between you and me :)). I believe with engineering that you can create and make, but the engineering job I'm currently in is all about maintenance (which is important too, but really not challenging me). There is no creating and making with my current engineering job. So for me to create and make, I decided to write a picture book.
The first picture book was inspired by Jack, observing him being curious about the appliances in our house and how they work. That manuscript is currently "in the drawer" (as author's call it). Shortly after that first manuscript, I came up with an idea to write female animal characters performing STEM jobs, in hopes of encouraging children, especially girls, to pursue those careers (assuming the slightest hint of interest, of course). Bobby helped me form the idea for the first animal character (an aardvark), and he's been a big support in getting the book to print.
That's right, the book is coming to print! Bobby and I hope to release "Annie a Mathematical Aardvark" in January of 2017! I'm so excited, happy and grateful to go on this new journey (publishing a picture book) with my guys. Jack and Bobby have been an endless well of support and inspiration, and I'll be celebrating that this Thanksgiving!
Introducing Annie!*
I know 2016 was a rough year for a lot of people, but if you think of something you're grateful and thankful for this year, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear about the good things that have happened to you. Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble, gobble! :)
*Update- I totally forgot to give credit to the illustrator, Davina, "Viv," Kinney for Annie! I'm thankful that Viv and I connected and for all the work she's doing on the book!
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