3/5/18- SWE and Me

I meant to have a post the week of February 19 about Engineers Week.  Engineers Week, or E-Week as most engineers refer to it, celebrates how engineers make a difference in the world.  But I got a little too busy celebrating.  First up in my E-Week celebrations was the 2017 KEZ Beth McDonald Woman of the Year Award.  I was a nominee thanks to my dear husband (after complaining to him about how I don't think I'll ever again receive an award from my company).  I was Ms. October, meaning I was nominated in the month of October.  I attended an awesome reception at the Hyatt Gainey Ranch, and my dear husband and two of my mentors (and friends) joined me.

I am happy to report that I did not win Woman of the Year; yes, happy.  The winner was Elizabeth Singleton, who is the president of Build Us H.O.P.E.  The nonprofit offers housing programs primarily targeted to veterans and the seriously mentally ill, disabled or chronically homeless. Pretty amazing, right?  It's pretty hard to be disappointed losing to such an amazing woman.  And as cliche as it is, I felt like a winner just being a nominee.  I had a really great time celebrating with my hubby and friends (and strangers, some which became friends).  It's an evening I'll never forget. 

2017 KEZ Beth McDonald Woman of the Year Nominees and Winner 
(Elizabeth, the winner, is in the middle/in the red sweater)

Part of the reason I was nominated is for my volunteer work with the nonprofit Society of Women Engineers, or SWE.  I'm currently the Vice President of the local Phoenix section and have done various K-12 STEM outreach with SWE.  SWE really means a lot to me; it's for sure a favorite nonprofit of mine. SWE's mission is to stimulate women to achieve full potential in careers as engineers and leaders, expand the image of the engineering profession as a positive force in improving the quality of life, and demonstrate the value of diversity.

The regional SWE conference just also happened to be taking place the day after the Woman of the Year Award. So I got to continue my E-Week celebration with one of my favorites nonprofits. I participated in the conference's SWENext Design Lab-- Design Lab is an experience designed to encourage girls to choose a career in engineering (more K-12 STEM outreach, yay!).  I mentored a team of six female middle school students through two engineering design and build experiments/projects.  The girls didn't really need my help, they were all well versed in STEM, but we all had a fun time.  

I love being able to mentor the next generation of engineers, and I especially love being able to volunteer and pay it forward to SWE.  SWE has done so much for me personally.  When I first joined in college (2001!), I was just looking for a resume filler.  However, I soon made many friends, finding support and help with classes, internships and jobs,  and really all things an engineering undergrad needs.  I don't think I would have stuck with engineering if I wasn't in SWE (and okay, also encouragement from my parents; got to give them a little bit of credit 😉).  

Mentoring the Next Gen

I know for sure I wouldn't have gotten my first (and only) internship without SWE. The collegiate section sent out an email saying that Medtronic was looking for interns, so I sent an email to Medtronic with my resume attached, referencing that I heard about the job through SWE.  I also know for sure that I wouldn't have gotten a job with my current company without SWE.  I had applied to a SWE Phoenix scholarship for local collegiate SWE students, and I was one of the winners!  I accepted my scholarship at the 2004 regional SWE conference, and a recruiter from my current company approached me. She said she'd like me to apply to work for the company.   And well, here it is 13 years later.   

But more than that, it's given me the network and support that I've needed over the years to actually stay in this industry.  My mentors that attended the Woman of the Year Award with me have both been part of my SWE network (although we did first meet through work); one of my mentors is the current SWE Phoenix President (hi Syronna! you rock!).  I also meet my current Working Engineer Moms Facebook Group and its admins through SWE; this Facebook group has been a lifeline as a working mom (and engineer).  I'm pretty sure without this wonderful network of engineers, without SWE, I would have left engineering 13 years ago.  A sincere thank you to all my SWE'esters.  Thank you for being there for me.     

If you want to learn more about SWE and their mission to support women in engineering in all phases of their careers (and men can be members too! remember He for She), here's a link to their website: http://societyofwomenengineers.swe.org/

If you live in Phoenix metro area and want to nominate an amazing woman for the KEZ Beth McDonald WoY Award, here's more info: https://kez999.iheart.com/contests/999-kez-and-shea-homes-40626/  Thank you to Beth McDonald and KEZ and their sponsors of this award for acknowledging the very cool and amazing women in our city!  Thank you Bobby, my family and my friends for all of your support.  And also thank you to the other 11 nominees for being such an inspiration for our local community! 

12/18/17- Holiday Science Experiment: Make Your Own Snow

When you live in a warm weather place like Phoenix, you rarely receive snowfall (it has happened though). So if you don't get snow, then why not make some?  That's exactly what Jack, Bobby, our friend Colton, and some neighborhood kids did this weekend. It will make for a fun winter break and holiday science experiment.  And it's super easy to do!

YOU WILL NEED:

3 cups of baking soda
1/2 cup of hair conditioner (suggest white in color so that it looks like snow)
glitter (optional)
large plastic container or large pan
"snow" tools: beads, toothpicks, cookie cutters or Play-Doh tools, ribbon and googling eyes for snow people


INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Pour baking soda into container.
2. Pour conditioner into container.
3. Stir together with a spoon (or your hands).  Snow should be like sand.
4. Let the play begin!

I will give you a word of caution: your child(ren) may want to make snowballs and then throw said snowball at you.  The good news is that this snow cleans up easily.  So I suggest wearing play clothes (or if you live in Phoenix, bathing suites to hose down the "snow" covered kids, haha) and doing the snow outside (just like real snow, haha).

Jack, Colton, and the neighborhood kids enjoyed the snow-- long after we ran out of baking soda and conditioner, they kept asking for more snowballs.  It makes me so happy when Jack and friends enjoy one of my science experiments. Parenting, and engineering, win! 😀

And for those who have children older than 3, you can explain how mixing the baking soda and conditioner together creates an exothermic reaction, which is the same type of reaction in the formation of real snow (exothermic is a chemical reaction that releases energy in the form of heat or light). And if you want an endothermic reaction, like the reaction that melting snow is, then pour some vinegar on top of your fake snow.  Below is a video to help your children learn more about exothermic and endothermic reactions.  Happy Snow-lidays! ⛄

11/7/17- Every Once In Awhile, I Like My Job (Part 1)

About a week ago, I attended an engineering conference.  I attend this conference every year: it always reinvigorates me about engineering.  This year, I was selected to present at one of the sessions, and to my surprise, my company paid for me to go.  This is the first time in over a decade that they sponsored me, despite the facts that I've been attending this conference since I started working (for them), and I've been a speaker in the past.

Presenting on "Beautiful Oops!"

Of course, there were strings attached with having the company pay for me, such as recruiting at my company's career fair booth.  I missed out on attending other sessions at the conference all to pretend that it's a great place to work. Okay, it really is if you're an intern or a fresh out (of college), but for mid-career people, the great place to work becomes highly questionable.  Thankfully, I talked mostly to college students (there was one mid-level person that approached me, but an engineering manager stepped in; saved by the manager, phew). I absolutely enjoy engaging with the youngins.

Sure, we talked about my company, but mostly I got to talk about engineering with them.  There are some really impressive engineering students out there, so it's easy for me to roll my eyes at other "old people" when they say they're worried about the future and who's going to be running it ("get off my lawn!").  These "old people" just aren't hanging out with the right crowd.  They don't see what I got to see at this conference-- the smart, capable engineers of tomorrow (so "old people" hang out more at engineering recruiting events, and you'll be less worried).

Another other great part about this gig was seeing and spending time with my colleagues/friends from various companies.  We got to BAW (shark about work) with each other and call it networking.  Hearing my colleagues/friends stories about work gives me comfort and knowledge that I'm not alone.  Also, the ones that have reached the 20+ years that makes me think that I can reach that benchmark too.  Of course, I may have to change companies to make it to 20 years. 😆

My presentation was another highlight of the conference.  My presentation is based off Barney Saltzberg's picture book Beautiful Oops!  Beautiful Oops! is about helping children realize that a mistake is not the end of the world. When they make a mistake, they should think of it as an opportunity to make something beautiful: a beautiful oops.  The book's lesson also applies to engineering. Many engineering innovations and scientific discoveries came about by accident (mistake): Post-It Notes, Penicillin, Cornflakes, Velcro, Anesthesia, etc. 

Sometimes as engineers, we get a little risk adverse, afraid to make a mistake or suggest the wrong solution. I hope that the engineers who attended my presentation took away that even if they make a mistake at work, that perhaps they can make something beautiful out of it (a lesson learned, an innovation, and so on).  Plus, I love it when my engineering career comes together with my children's author career meets my mom career: thank you "Beautiful Oops" for that. Also, thanks for the reminder that if I make or create something in writing or engineering, and I make a mistake while doing so, there's the possibility that I can still turn it into something beautiful. 

So every once in awhile, I like my current (engineering) job. 

7/3/17- Hello Impostor; I See You've Failed

I thought I was done feeling like an impostor; 13 years into my job as engineer, I do not doubt my engineering skills anymore. I doubt the place that I work, but I do not doubt that I've got something to offer as an engineer.  For the first 5 years of my (engineering) job, I doubted my engineering capability.  Being sick and discovering I had RA, made those feelings of impostor and fraud linger a little longer than I felt they should have. But as soon as my health issue was figured out, and I got project experience under my belt, I no longer felt like a phony.   Every couple of years, I'll acknowledge that there are engineers who are smarter than me (on my team), but I am not a dummy; I know the work and how to do the work. I can do it in my sleep now (ugh, sometimes I dream about analyzing completing systems reliability tickets).  So I  have said good-bye impostor syndrome.

Or so I thought.  Two years ago, I decided I would write a blog.  And then I decided I would write and publish a children's book.  I've done just that-- I published a children's book.  I have also published pieces with Highlights and STEM Media and guest blogged for Tech Love.  Technically, I am a published author. But I don't feel like one. I feel like I am another silly, stupid, and annoying person who thinks she can write in the same school (not class) as great, amazing, best selling, and world-renowned authors.  But I'm not one of them.  I am not in the same class as them.

I'm pretty sure I don't belong in the writing and publishing industry.  After all, I'm just an engineer-- what right do I have asking to be in the writing and publishing industry?  I have no degree in writing, my only formal (college level or higher) writing classes were English 101 and 102, and technical writing does not equate to creative writing.  I haven't toiled for decades in perfecting my craft to finally land a book deal. How can I, after just a couple of years of playing around and pretending to be a writer, expect to get an agent/book deal/traditionally published book?  I am naive and stupid in thinking that.  I don't belong here.  I am an impostor in the book/writing/publishing industry.  And I feel like such a failure. A big, fat failure.

It doesn't matter that people have bought my indie published children's book.  It doesn't matter that friends and family share with me that they book the book and how much they like the book.  It doesn't matter that I get photos of smiling kids reading my book.  It doesn't matter when bloggers and book critics write positive things about the book.  It doesn't matter that the book got featured on podcasts.  It doesn't matter that my book has received a couple of awards.   I still feel like a failure.  I feel it's time to hang up my author hat, pat myself on the back, and tell myself, you tried, but now it's time to move on.  Time to stop fooling yourself and others; time to acknowledge that you are an impostor.

This irrational feeling of failure and impostor, well, I know it's irrational.  I never expected to make the New York Times Best Seller list, and my selling expectation was in the low hundreds (which close at 85 sells so far).  I also know it takes a long, long time to find an agent and get a book published traditionally, and  I knew indie publishing my book wouldn't bring agents and publishers knocking on my door.  I just knew that I loved the story and had the means to share it. All I could hope for is that others would it love too.   And when the rational voice in my head is speaking, I know that my hope, of others loving the story, is true.

All the stuff I said above that doesn't matter, well, rational voice knows that it does matter.  People liking/loving the book, the awards, and the best part, photos of happy kids reading my book, that all matters.  I'm so appreciative of all that; those things are huge and wonderful accomplishments.   When I let the rational voice talk, and remind me of those huge and wonderful accomplishments, I don't feel like a loser, a failure, an impostor.  If I truly look at it, I've accomplished some pretty cool things in the writing world.  And I have so many other stories I want to share.  No way am I done yet with this industry.  I'm here to stay.

I just have to keep working at this writing thing and to tell the irrational impostor voice to shut the shark up! Impostor voice, where you see failure, I will embrace the mistakes and see a chance to learn and grow.  Where you say I've accomplished nothing, I see many kids enjoying the book and great reviews.  Where you say, it's time to quit, I remind you that writing is fun and that you have another story to write. Where you sing Beck's "I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me", I change the lyrics to "one day I'll kill it".

One day (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will kill it in the book world, and stop doubting my capability as a writer, and my impostor syndrome will subside again. Until then, hello impostor, I see you've failed (in making me completely doubt myself). So shut the shark up already! I have writing to do!

Need more info on the impostor syndrome, check out this:
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/26/your-money/learning-to-deal-with-the-impostor-syndrome.html

And this:
https://www.dailyworth.com/posts/5-tips-tackling-impostor-syndrome

6/14/17- The Women Whose Shoulders I Stand On

I finally finished reading the book "Hidden Figures" (by Margot Lee Shetterly in case you didn't know).  I started reading the book back in March; it took me a long time to finish.  It's not because the book isn't great; it is.  It's not because I didn't like Mary, Dorthy, and Katherine; I immensely admire them. It's not because I thought the writing awful; I though Margot had perfect prose for a historical narrative book. It's not because I found a historical narrative book boring; I was deeply fascinated by the history.

It's because I have about 30 minutes a day for reading (that's a lot for some working parents, I know, be jealous). And sometimes I read op-ed or news articles instead of books.  And sometimes I read things on Facebook or Twitter and get really annoyed and wished I had read the next chapter in "Hidden Figures" instead.  If you are like me, and don't have much time, books like "Hidden Figures" are perfect for you.  I could read one chapter, and if it was many days later until I could read the next chapter, I didn't feel lost at what the plot was. I think it's also a reason I liked Mindy Kaling's "Why Not Me?" and Amy Poehler's "Yes, Please."  If I couldn't come back to the book for a few days, no problem.  I wasn't going to loose my place or forget what had happened in the plot.

But I digress.  If you've seen the movie, "Hidden Figures," then I highly recommend you read the book.  If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend you read the book.  Another reason I really liked the book is that it was a historical narrative.  The movie really focused on the 3 women, Mary, Dorthy, and Katherine, and had dialogue between people and Hollywood suspense (check the numbers as count down happens! Yeah, that didn't happen in real life; it was at least 3 days prior to the space flight). The book does focus on these 3 awesome women, but more in a bibliography way (remember reading and writing those in elementary school?) where you get this sequential telling of their lives with some emotional insight and direct quotes from them (no dialogue).  

You also get a bibliography of what is happening at NACA/NASA--their testing planes during wartime, adhering to presidential employment orders to hire people of color, and other chronological order information.  You also get what is happening in the country's history (USA)-- Rosa Park's refusal to move to the back of the bus, Dr. King's "I Have a Dream," Virginia's stupid and sickly stubbornness to integrate schools. I enjoyed learning about the background of NASA and the USA, the good and the bad. 

There's definite low points (some shark stuff the USA did) in the integrated stories of these women, NASA, and, the USA, but it is a story of  inspiration.  As Margot puts it "It's a story of hope, that even among some of our country's harshest realities-legalized segregation, racial discrimination- there is evidence of the triumph of meritocracy, that each of us should be allowed to rise as far as our talent and hard work can take us."

I do not understand what it was like to be a black, female engineer back in the 1950s and 1960s, nor do I fully understand what it is like to day to be a black, female engineer. I do have empathy, and that empathy fills me with a hope-- minorities, females, minority females will be allowed to rise as far as their talent and hard work can take them.  I promise to pay forward the benefits that I have reaped for standing on the shoulders of these women, Mary, Dorthy, Katherine, and all the female engineers who came before.  My accomplishments are in part because I stand on your very strong shoulders. Sincerely thank you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

5/18/17- The Mentors

A few weeks ago I interviewed my former manager as part of a series I'm writing for STEMedia.   It was a little surreal to be asking her questions about how she became an engineer, her past life (she was a dairy farmer for 13 years before studying engineering), advice for others studying STEM disciplines and so on.  She probably doesn't know this, but I've long considered her a mentor.  I never formally asked her to mentor me-- I just watched her outstanding ability as a manager, and hoped that one day when I was a manager, that I'd be able to follow her example.

She really cares about her employees and their careers/career happiness. She was the only manager I've ever felt I could be completely honest with and that she'd really listen to me. Even people who didn't report to her sought her confidence and advice.  She also made work fun-- a Halloween party with a Thriller flash mob dance is not something too many managers would coordinate.  That's the kind of manager I'd like to be. I probably won't have the opportunity at my current work place to be a manager, but one day I won't be there, and at the new place, if I'm responsible for people's careers, I'm totally modeling my management style after her.

She also has a pretty amazing and inspiring story of how she became an engineer, reinforcing my belief that engineers come for anywhere, and a child just needs to know that the opportunity exists for them.  Maybe you're curious now about her story, and for that you'll just have to wait for the STEMedia piece to come out. That's what writer's call a hook. :)

STEMedia already has one of the interviews I did up on their website, and the person I interviewed for that story is also a mentor.   I also don't think she knows that, but I totally look up to her as well. She's the person that I daydream and scheme with, and part of why I've dabbled in children's books. We both want to encourage and inspire girls in STEM.  In face, she started her own company to inspire girls, particularly minority girls, in STEM, and I really admire her for taking that chance. Starting your own company while still working as an engineer is pretty awesome (to me).  How could I not look up to this person?  And her story is totally already up on STEMedia, so I encourage you to check it out.

Of course there's many more people in engineering that I admire, and you'll soon be reading about them. Most likely on STEMedia, but maybe also here on my blog.  On the days I feel like shark (from the RA, annoying workplace, and such), I forget some of my blessings.  Having great mentors is a blessing, and I'm so thankful to these women for teaching me so much.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tell me who your mentors are and why you admire them in the comments!
Here's the link to STEMedia: http://stemedia.org/

3/2/17- Spring Break STEM Activity

Spring break is right around the corner for many kids!  Not Jack, as he is in daycare/preschool (which doesn't close for spring break), and he basically just took a week off for a cold. So to preschool for him, and to work for Bobby and me. We'll take him on vacation in late summer/early fall, so don't feel too bad that he doesn't get spring break.

Since spring break is right around the corner, I thought now would be a good time to share another STEM activity.  The activity won't entertain your kids for a whole week (or maybe it could if they end up really liking it), but it is pretty fun.  The professional engineering society that I belong to did the activity at Chase Field's STEM Night, and then we recently did it at E-Day at the AZ Science Center. Not sure if the engineers or kids had more fun.

Without further ado, Galaxy Slime! The slime is so popular right now, check out the MSN video "Slime Fad is Back." I like to think our engineering society started the trend, but most likely we did not.

Supplies Needed:
Bowl
Spoon
1 cup Elmer's Glue (white or clear work)
1 cup Liquid Starch (we used the Walmart brand, Stay-Flo)
Food Coloring (optional)
Glitter (optional)
Plastic Bag (optional)

Instructions:
1) Put the glue into the bowl first.
2) Stir in food coloring and glitter, if desired.
3) Slowly stir in the liquid starch in increments.  You probably won't use the full cup of liquid starch.
4) Stir until you don't see the "white" liquid starch.  Then switch to kneading the slime with your hands, checking how stretchy the slime is.  If you want it stretchy vs.gak, again you probably won't use the full cup of liquid starch.
5) After your child is done playing with their slime, they can save it in a plastic bag (or Tupperware).

Jack's galaxy slime has lasted for a week after he made it at E-Day.  He liked mixing the colors and glitter in the glue, but he lost interest in the final product.  I do think this activity is fun to do with toddlers (who are past the put everything in their mouth stage), just remember toddlers are going to need more help with the food coloring than a 10 year old is (Jack squeezed like 100 drops in because I thought he could do it himself, haha).

It is great for ages 2-99. Thought I'd take the Lego approach there; after 99, you just won't find this activity or Legos fun. Oh, and it's called Galaxy Slime, because if you add color and glitter, it looks like a Galaxy!  Also, the glue and starch combine to make a polymer! Happy (STEM) Spring Break!

1/6/17- Don't Get Sick in Engineering (or other industries for that matter)

Welcome New Year!  I'm rearing and ready to go!  I'm ready to bring you this PSA: Whatever you do, do not get sick in Engineering.  I don't mean a cold or flu that goes away after a couple of weeks, I mean a chronic illness.  Being sick will hurt your career in engineering. And most likely in other industries as well, but today my focus is on the industry I work in, engineering and my observations. 

Engineering is competitive.  Don't be fooled by the stereotype of the mild-mannered nerd; we're out for intellectual blood in this industry.  Got a B+ on your Calc II test? Ha, I got an A-! Got a job at a government contractor? Ha, I got a job at the Fortune 500 Silicon Valley tech giant!  The best one (in my opinion), the not so subtle brag about how hard you've been working. Man, I'm wiped from working 50 hours this week.  Yeah, me too dude, those 60 hours I worked, they were killer. We get into pissing matches about how our company is willing to take advantage of our desire to beat out the other guy. I mean, overtime.  We get into pissing matches about overtime (companies would never exploit us, never). 

Side note to engineering managers: if you ever need to motive your workforce to work overtime, just say your star pupil is already doing 50 hours a week, even if they're not. End of side note.   Sure, there are a few humble engineers, who aren't competitive and ambitious (not that either is bad per say), but it is rare to find that engineer who thinks that teachers or waiters have harder jobs than they do.  Math decathlon is a sport, and the winner matters-- engineers can be competitive, as the next academically smart smug intellect. Myself included (when I was a hostess at Chili's in college, studying engineering, I thought I was way too good for this job; that job probably brought me just as much stress, maybe even more, than my current job. Have you ever had to sit people at Chili's on a Friday night in the early aught? It's a logistics nightmare, parenthesis ramble over). 

Early in my engineering career, I joked with a friend and colleague that one day I'll be VP of this company.  He joked, not if I beat you there first.  I wasn't completely arrogant, I knew that one day would be 20+ years down the road, but I had ambition.  I got told I was smart and capable, receiving good performance reviews those first couple of years.  Both my friend and I should now be project managers within our organization, if we are continue on our path to VP.  Neither of us are PMs.  Him, probably because he's Hispanic (which is a post for another day) and me, probably because I'm a chronically ill female (the female part is also a post for another day).  

Here's the part of the story where if you want, you can call me a whiny little shark. Suzie, there are tons of sick people who succeed every day in engineering; you just need to suck it up, you big baby. That's your decision to call me whatever, but it's my decision is to speak about my observations and truth. Plus, I've already told myself plenty of times to suck it up, so it wouldn't be anything new to hear you call me that. I've already beat you to the punch (I was first to do it, na, na, boo, boo, competitive engineer strikes again!).

Alright now that we got that out of our systems, let's move forward with this story.  I got really sick in 2007, see other blog posts for more details, and it took until 2008 to learn that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis.  And also in 2007, I was this close to being fired from my job/company.  Somehow I didn't, and here's probably the one cool thing my company has done for me over the years, they helped me go on to FMLA (to protect my job) and as I slowly recovered, allowed me to be part time.  At that time I was so thankful, and to some degree, I still am thankful today. 

But it was the first set back in my career for being chronically ill. I mean, I almost got fired. That's pretty big set up.  In this competitive industry, if I didn't have someone above me be empathetic about my plight, I would have been let go.  In fact, at any other tech company I would have been let go. Our industry is more competitive than it is empathetic. You ask, how do you know for sure if you were someplace else, you would have been fired?   Because it happened to my friend Emma. Her company basically fired her for being ill. Let me emphasis basically here; yes, there probably are nuances to her case. Overall though, her MS limited when and where she could work, and her company at the time didn't know how to define work within those parameters (I am hopeful that now they do).  There was no let's renew your FMLA or talk about going onto long term disability. They didn't have time to figure it; they had to get on with business.  

I understand their position, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch someone who loved being an engineer so much (and who you care about), shrink and wilt. So much so, that she thought she wouldn't be welcomed anymore in our very supportive female engineering society. She thought because she didn't officially have the title anymore, how could she be in our professional society? How could she attend society meetings without being an engineer?  She was fighting to get long term disability from the insurance her company carried, and her mother won Emma's case postmortem.  It was a bitter victory to say the least.

I've been told more than once from different managers, being a part time sicko employee, "Know that your career is limited," and "you'll have career growth, it will move more slowly."   Those statements are (unfortunately) correct.  Ever year as part of our performance assessments, we have to write down our long term goals.  Since 2008 (the year I started feeling better and went from 24 hours to 30 hours), I have written my long term goal as "project leader."  Managing a team has been a career goal for me for 8+ years.  I am a task lead, but I don't directly manage anyone.  To move up to the next level within my company, that level specifically calls out for supervisor/manager experience.

So the end of 2016 and yesterday (2017,) I explicitly wrote down that I want to be a supervisor and why I'd be a good supervisor. No vague project leader term (because you could possibly be a project leader without any direct reports/supervisees). I explicitly asked to run/manager team. And then I voiced my concern to my manager (in our one on one) about how my career growth feels limited if I don't have the opportunity to manage someone (even just one intern, how hard is it to give me one gosh shark intern?).  First time, it was our company, specifically our project, is not set up to manage a team remotely or part time.  Second time around, it was, well our project just doesn't have any teams to manage currently, but I'm willing to help you find that opportunity with another project, especially one set up around remote work.  

Okay cool, that's a fair answer. However, it showed what I already knew a couple of years ago (I mean after 8+ years of not reaching your long term goal, you start to get the hint that your career is stalled).  If I want my career to grow, I need to work on another project or leave the company.  I doubt I can shake the stigma of being a chronically ill engineer, so my best opportunity for job growth is to leave the company and work someplace else, where they don't know I'm a sicko.  

It's tough to see 2 engineers with 10 years of experience have the opportunity to be supervisors. Another engineer with 8 years become the manager of the test team and got his own office (while you're still in a cube). A different engineer with 4 years  of experience will be put on the project leader team this year. Another engineer with 2 years of experience is accepted onto the Engineering Leadership Program.  I'm not saying their opportunities aren't well deserved, because the opportunities are deserved, those people have worked hard; I'm just saying that I've worked hard too, so where's my opportunity for growth?  It's certainly not here.

The good news is that now that I have accepted that I have no room to grow at my current company, I'm no longer indifferent about the salary I make.  I know engineers make a lot of money compared to other professions, but when you're an engineering making 10K less than another engineer at the same level, it's one more indication of how being sick this industry really hurts your career. Real quick, my company pro-rates my salary, my salary is based on 40 hours/week. So technically if my performance reviews said I did a good job, then my 40 hours/week salary should be within hundreds of the other people who work 40 hours and who are within my level.  I have a feeling my counterparts don't make what I make, and if they did, why are they still here?  Our company (according to Glassdoor.com and Salary.com), are underpaying you!

Anyway, I feel that I can no longer be complaisant about my salary (not like I felt a year ago in The Salary). Sometime in the next 2 weeks I'm going to ask for the average salary of someone at my level. I feel like I owe it to all the sickos and other discriminated people out there.  By staying indifferent about my salary, I'm only hurt those around me.  I know, how unselfish of me.  Yes, I am doing it for myself too. It's important that I do it for me (my self-esteem could use the boost right now; I'm wallowing in my own pity party).  But somebody has to speak up for the disenfranchised, so I might as well speak up for them while I'm standing up for myself. And what do I have to lose? Job opportunities at my current company?  Oh wait, that's already in the toilet, so yeah I have nothing to risk by asking for more.  For the sicko club (it's like the Breakfast Club, but we're all napping in the library instead of dancing and sharing information about latest diet/treatment/medication instead of high school gossip), fist raised victoriously in the air!

So, the morale of the story?  Don't get sick in engineering. Your career depends on you staying healthy.  Take your vitamins. Exercise. Get your flu shots. For those of us who battle diseases and chronic illnesses. I promise to stay in this industry until my fingers are all gnarled and knotted and I can no longer type (but by then maybe the workplace will have cognitive software, think The Matrix, and I can just blink my TPS reports over to my boss, and I could stay even longer in this industry).  I know the longer I stay in this industry, the better I make it for others like me.  That's my promise to you: that through my trials and tribulations, I'll make this industry better for us all sickos. That one day, no one will measure your career by the number of sick days you took.  One day, it will be okay to be sick in engineering.

*1/7/17 Update: I've had 2 engineering friends who have auto immune diseases share with me their career struggles (aka stalling).  I deeply appreciate them sharing their stories with me.  And one even shared some statistics from this post.  I'm developing a secret hand shake for us sickos, so that we can advocate career advancement for each other in our industry. Is wincing in pain after shaking hands too spot on?  Take care!

9/20/16- Failing

It was fall 2001, and the weather starting to cool down in Phoenix.  So it was 95 degrees for the high versus 110 degrees (I realize I like to talk a lot about how hot it is here, ha).  I was in my sophomore year at Arizona State University, studying electrical engineering.  I had just received a letter from ASU.  Not unusual to get mail from the school you attend, but this piece of mail was different.  It had "open now" or "urgent" marked on it. As I anxiously opened it up, my stomach sank to my feet.  I was failing Physics III.

I had received my first ever midterm warning.  All through high school, I had never received a midterm warning. In fact, I was a straight A student.  But studying electrical engineering at college was stressing my GPA. Freshmen year I ended up receiving 2 B's and 2 A's, averaging a 3.5 GPA.  I reluctantly accepted that I wasn't an A student anymore over the first summer break.  I continued on to sophomore year a little disappointed, but a 3.5 was acceptable.  I wasn't defeated.  I was determined to continue on.

I felt immense shame reading this midterm warning letter.  I had never failed at a class before.  I had gotten B's in Physics I and II, and even aced Physics in high school.  I should not be failing, I remember thinking.  I also recall thinking that my parents are going to be so disappointed in me. Looking back right now, I can't even tell you why I was failing.  But I was, and it made me doubt myself.  I thought, maybe engineering isn't for me.

I had dinner, or maybe it was lunch, later in the week with my parents.  I was dreading this meal with them because I knew I had to tell them that I'm failing. Sure, I could have withheld the information, but I knew deep down they'd find out eventually.  They were paying my tuition, so my line of thought was they'd put it together from the tuition bills or something like that.  Them finding out on their own was probably a small risk, but not one I wanted to take.  Better to tell them I thought. I don't remember how I told them, if it was a gradual build (I've done well so far, I'm studying hard, but also working, etc.) or if it was blunt (blurted out, I'm failing a class!).

To my surprise, my dad, also an electrical engineer, responded that it was okay.  He also came close to failing some classes and ended up as a C student in his undergraduate program (he did better in his graduate program, to note).  I was a little shocked to learn that my dad, someone who I consider very smart and successful in engineering, had been a C student in college.  It almost immediately changed my perspective on grades and on what it meant to be an engineer.  I didn't have to be a perfect A student to be an engineer.

I worked hard, and by the end of the semester, I got a C in Physics III.  If I remember my other grades correctly from that semester, I got a 2 A's and B.  By time graduation rolled around, I had 3.1 GPA. Not too shabby for someone in danger of failing a class and potentially being put on academic probation.  My husband has his own wonderful (yes wonderful) failure story as well.

Hi College Me! Keep it up!

He failed Calc I (or maybe it was Calc II) TWO times and was on academic probation.  His academic adviser even "advised" him that engineering is not for you and that he should switch majors.  He was on the verge of changing majors until his brother said, come on dude, don't give up (I'm paraphrasing).  He passed Calc I the third time.  He told me it finally "just clicked" the third time around (3rd times a charm :-)). He's now a successful (in my biased opinion) manager after many years of being a mechanical engineer.

The reason I'm sharing my story, my dad's story, and my hubby's story, is I want you to know that we weren't perfect engineering students. That we struggled and failed.  If you meet us today, you might think to yourself, Suzie, her hubby and her dad are doing so well at work and engineering comes easy for them.  Engineering was (and at times still is for me) a struggle for us.  I know other engineers that struggled as well and whose stories could fill another post.

I want you to know that if you are struggling, you're not alone.  If there is even a tiny little bit of desire in you, don't let some bad grade, some adviser, some bad performance review, some manager, and so on STOP you. One of my favorite lines from Galaxy Quest is, "Never give up, never surrender,"  and it is very applicable to our stories of failure.  We failed, but we never gave up, never surrendered.

4/5/16- The Trend

Want to know the latest trend this spring?  Just look at social media feeds and other news sources, and you'll discover that what is being talked about over and over again is Women in STEM.  In particularly, the lack of females in Computer Science and Engineering (sorry Medical Science, but you seem to have close to the 50/50 ratio that CS and engineering only dreams of, so we won't really talk about you).  You'll hear stats like 18% of CS workers are women, 10% of engineers are female, etc.  And that it's been this low for decades.  And the different approaches to get more women in tech/engineering. And all the horrible things women in tech/engineering have to put up with/overcome.

As an advocate for women in engineering (and to extend the outreach branch a little more, CS/tech), I'm excited there's so much dialogue about the issue and how can we change the industry to be 50/50 and equal.  Yay for people talking about it, and it being everywhere!  But what is the cost of it being trendy, I wonder?  When will this trend end?  Is it just a fade? All fades/trends seem to end. Or best case scenario, it's cyclical, and Women in STEM will be a popular topic again in 10 years.

Also it's time for a true confession (like in Real World; just image me in my confession booth).  I really dislike that it's popular right now to be a woman in engineering/tech.  In general, tech is the cool; it's in, it's hip (whatever the kids on Real World 50 are saying these days).  The rebel in me enjoyed being an engineer (in part) because it was not cool. It was counter-culture; now it's popular culture.

It is also giving me a big ego.  I'm so cool and awesome and special because I'm an engineer. It's what everyone is talking about and what everyone wants or wishes to be (in my skewed Real World view).  In a way it is like being a reality star celebrity; hot one minute, and probably forgotten in the next fifteen minutes (when the next social cause comes along).

Now that I've done my confession, I'll get over my dislike and ego trip of being a trend because my care and passion to get more women in the industry outweighs my need to stand out, to be a rebel.  I'm sure some of you will be receptive to how I feel (maybe even some of you also dislike how popular it is), and I'm sure some of you will be upset (and wish I wasn't an advocate because how could an advocate wish for people to stop making tech cool?).

The question facing this trend then, is how to make sure that the topic of Women in STEM doesn't just fade into the background?  I'm not sure I really have that answer, but here's my hope. Hopefully, the advocates from before it was trendy, and the advocates who are jumping on this bandwagon (may they never get off the wagon), keep up their work to recruit and retain women in the fields of STEM. Even when the topic is not cool anymore.

For a great op-ed on the trend, check out Amy's editorial on US News:
Why Do We Need STEM Toys for Girls?

And then kind of related, online discussion about "pink STEM toys":
http://mashable.com/2016/01/24/coding-girls-pink/#aE9CM7E3PEqU
http://pigtailpalsblog.com/2013/11/stop-using-stereotypes-to-sell-stem-to-girls/#.VwPzXaQrLIV