11/7/17- Every Once In Awhile, I Like My Job (Part 1)

About a week ago, I attended an engineering conference.  I attend this conference every year: it always reinvigorates me about engineering.  This year, I was selected to present at one of the sessions, and to my surprise, my company paid for me to go.  This is the first time in over a decade that they sponsored me, despite the facts that I've been attending this conference since I started working (for them), and I've been a speaker in the past.

Presenting on "Beautiful Oops!"

Of course, there were strings attached with having the company pay for me, such as recruiting at my company's career fair booth.  I missed out on attending other sessions at the conference all to pretend that it's a great place to work. Okay, it really is if you're an intern or a fresh out (of college), but for mid-career people, the great place to work becomes highly questionable.  Thankfully, I talked mostly to college students (there was one mid-level person that approached me, but an engineering manager stepped in; saved by the manager, phew). I absolutely enjoy engaging with the youngins.

Sure, we talked about my company, but mostly I got to talk about engineering with them.  There are some really impressive engineering students out there, so it's easy for me to roll my eyes at other "old people" when they say they're worried about the future and who's going to be running it ("get off my lawn!").  These "old people" just aren't hanging out with the right crowd.  They don't see what I got to see at this conference-- the smart, capable engineers of tomorrow (so "old people" hang out more at engineering recruiting events, and you'll be less worried).

Another other great part about this gig was seeing and spending time with my colleagues/friends from various companies.  We got to BAW (shark about work) with each other and call it networking.  Hearing my colleagues/friends stories about work gives me comfort and knowledge that I'm not alone.  Also, the ones that have reached the 20+ years that makes me think that I can reach that benchmark too.  Of course, I may have to change companies to make it to 20 years. 😆

My presentation was another highlight of the conference.  My presentation is based off Barney Saltzberg's picture book Beautiful Oops!  Beautiful Oops! is about helping children realize that a mistake is not the end of the world. When they make a mistake, they should think of it as an opportunity to make something beautiful: a beautiful oops.  The book's lesson also applies to engineering. Many engineering innovations and scientific discoveries came about by accident (mistake): Post-It Notes, Penicillin, Cornflakes, Velcro, Anesthesia, etc. 

Sometimes as engineers, we get a little risk adverse, afraid to make a mistake or suggest the wrong solution. I hope that the engineers who attended my presentation took away that even if they make a mistake at work, that perhaps they can make something beautiful out of it (a lesson learned, an innovation, and so on).  Plus, I love it when my engineering career comes together with my children's author career meets my mom career: thank you "Beautiful Oops" for that. Also, thanks for the reminder that if I make or create something in writing or engineering, and I make a mistake while doing so, there's the possibility that I can still turn it into something beautiful. 

So every once in awhile, I like my current (engineering) job. 

6/14/17- The Women Whose Shoulders I Stand On

I finally finished reading the book "Hidden Figures" (by Margot Lee Shetterly in case you didn't know).  I started reading the book back in March; it took me a long time to finish.  It's not because the book isn't great; it is.  It's not because I didn't like Mary, Dorthy, and Katherine; I immensely admire them. It's not because I thought the writing awful; I though Margot had perfect prose for a historical narrative book. It's not because I found a historical narrative book boring; I was deeply fascinated by the history.

It's because I have about 30 minutes a day for reading (that's a lot for some working parents, I know, be jealous). And sometimes I read op-ed or news articles instead of books.  And sometimes I read things on Facebook or Twitter and get really annoyed and wished I had read the next chapter in "Hidden Figures" instead.  If you are like me, and don't have much time, books like "Hidden Figures" are perfect for you.  I could read one chapter, and if it was many days later until I could read the next chapter, I didn't feel lost at what the plot was. I think it's also a reason I liked Mindy Kaling's "Why Not Me?" and Amy Poehler's "Yes, Please."  If I couldn't come back to the book for a few days, no problem.  I wasn't going to loose my place or forget what had happened in the plot.

But I digress.  If you've seen the movie, "Hidden Figures," then I highly recommend you read the book.  If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend you read the book.  Another reason I really liked the book is that it was a historical narrative.  The movie really focused on the 3 women, Mary, Dorthy, and Katherine, and had dialogue between people and Hollywood suspense (check the numbers as count down happens! Yeah, that didn't happen in real life; it was at least 3 days prior to the space flight). The book does focus on these 3 awesome women, but more in a bibliography way (remember reading and writing those in elementary school?) where you get this sequential telling of their lives with some emotional insight and direct quotes from them (no dialogue).  

You also get a bibliography of what is happening at NACA/NASA--their testing planes during wartime, adhering to presidential employment orders to hire people of color, and other chronological order information.  You also get what is happening in the country's history (USA)-- Rosa Park's refusal to move to the back of the bus, Dr. King's "I Have a Dream," Virginia's stupid and sickly stubbornness to integrate schools. I enjoyed learning about the background of NASA and the USA, the good and the bad. 

There's definite low points (some shark stuff the USA did) in the integrated stories of these women, NASA, and, the USA, but it is a story of  inspiration.  As Margot puts it "It's a story of hope, that even among some of our country's harshest realities-legalized segregation, racial discrimination- there is evidence of the triumph of meritocracy, that each of us should be allowed to rise as far as our talent and hard work can take us."

I do not understand what it was like to be a black, female engineer back in the 1950s and 1960s, nor do I fully understand what it is like to day to be a black, female engineer. I do have empathy, and that empathy fills me with a hope-- minorities, females, minority females will be allowed to rise as far as their talent and hard work can take them.  I promise to pay forward the benefits that I have reaped for standing on the shoulders of these women, Mary, Dorthy, Katherine, and all the female engineers who came before.  My accomplishments are in part because I stand on your very strong shoulders. Sincerely thank you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

5/18/17- The Mentors

A few weeks ago I interviewed my former manager as part of a series I'm writing for STEMedia.   It was a little surreal to be asking her questions about how she became an engineer, her past life (she was a dairy farmer for 13 years before studying engineering), advice for others studying STEM disciplines and so on.  She probably doesn't know this, but I've long considered her a mentor.  I never formally asked her to mentor me-- I just watched her outstanding ability as a manager, and hoped that one day when I was a manager, that I'd be able to follow her example.

She really cares about her employees and their careers/career happiness. She was the only manager I've ever felt I could be completely honest with and that she'd really listen to me. Even people who didn't report to her sought her confidence and advice.  She also made work fun-- a Halloween party with a Thriller flash mob dance is not something too many managers would coordinate.  That's the kind of manager I'd like to be. I probably won't have the opportunity at my current work place to be a manager, but one day I won't be there, and at the new place, if I'm responsible for people's careers, I'm totally modeling my management style after her.

She also has a pretty amazing and inspiring story of how she became an engineer, reinforcing my belief that engineers come for anywhere, and a child just needs to know that the opportunity exists for them.  Maybe you're curious now about her story, and for that you'll just have to wait for the STEMedia piece to come out. That's what writer's call a hook. :)

STEMedia already has one of the interviews I did up on their website, and the person I interviewed for that story is also a mentor.   I also don't think she knows that, but I totally look up to her as well. She's the person that I daydream and scheme with, and part of why I've dabbled in children's books. We both want to encourage and inspire girls in STEM.  In face, she started her own company to inspire girls, particularly minority girls, in STEM, and I really admire her for taking that chance. Starting your own company while still working as an engineer is pretty awesome (to me).  How could I not look up to this person?  And her story is totally already up on STEMedia, so I encourage you to check it out.

Of course there's many more people in engineering that I admire, and you'll soon be reading about them. Most likely on STEMedia, but maybe also here on my blog.  On the days I feel like shark (from the RA, annoying workplace, and such), I forget some of my blessings.  Having great mentors is a blessing, and I'm so thankful to these women for teaching me so much.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tell me who your mentors are and why you admire them in the comments!
Here's the link to STEMedia: http://stemedia.org/

1/27/17- Everything is Coming Up Milhouse!

Fellow Simpsons' fans probably recall when Milhouse declares, "Everything is coming up Milhouse!" If not, I've provided a clip below.  That is how I am feeling right now, that "everything is coming up Milhouse!"

My picture book, "Annie Aardvark, Mathematician" came out last week!  It's been over a year since I first drafted the story, and now it's a physical book.  I'm so excited about the book! I'm also excited to get it in the hands of kids. especially minorities and girls, to promote STEM. It's a dream come true, and I'm truly thankful to all my friends and family who are supporting me and buying the book. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Special thanks to my hubby and son.  Jack is the most beautiful thing that I (and Bobby) have ever created, and "Annie Aardvark, Mathematician" is the second most beautiful thing that I have created. The opportunity for me to create beauty again is priceless....or $9.99 on Amazon. :-D

Buy Annie Aardvark, Mathematician

And finally, someone who was in the same grad program as me started the really cool company Tech Love, and long story short, I wrote a blog/op-ed for Tech Love about what it is like to be a female engineer.  Check it out here! https://techlove.io/female-engineer/

And so yeah, I'm on cloud nine!  Even the lack of career progression (at my company) isn't getting me down. Even a toddler's "no, Annie! Blue train!" request (for which book to read at bedtime) isn't getting me down. Because everything is coming up Suzie, I mean Milhouse!  I've got flood pants, and I've got the geek charmed life right now.  Happy weekend to you all!

1/6/17- Don't Get Sick in Engineering (or other industries for that matter)

Welcome New Year!  I'm rearing and ready to go!  I'm ready to bring you this PSA: Whatever you do, do not get sick in Engineering.  I don't mean a cold or flu that goes away after a couple of weeks, I mean a chronic illness.  Being sick will hurt your career in engineering. And most likely in other industries as well, but today my focus is on the industry I work in, engineering and my observations. 

Engineering is competitive.  Don't be fooled by the stereotype of the mild-mannered nerd; we're out for intellectual blood in this industry.  Got a B+ on your Calc II test? Ha, I got an A-! Got a job at a government contractor? Ha, I got a job at the Fortune 500 Silicon Valley tech giant!  The best one (in my opinion), the not so subtle brag about how hard you've been working. Man, I'm wiped from working 50 hours this week.  Yeah, me too dude, those 60 hours I worked, they were killer. We get into pissing matches about how our company is willing to take advantage of our desire to beat out the other guy. I mean, overtime.  We get into pissing matches about overtime (companies would never exploit us, never). 

Side note to engineering managers: if you ever need to motive your workforce to work overtime, just say your star pupil is already doing 50 hours a week, even if they're not. End of side note.   Sure, there are a few humble engineers, who aren't competitive and ambitious (not that either is bad per say), but it is rare to find that engineer who thinks that teachers or waiters have harder jobs than they do.  Math decathlon is a sport, and the winner matters-- engineers can be competitive, as the next academically smart smug intellect. Myself included (when I was a hostess at Chili's in college, studying engineering, I thought I was way too good for this job; that job probably brought me just as much stress, maybe even more, than my current job. Have you ever had to sit people at Chili's on a Friday night in the early aught? It's a logistics nightmare, parenthesis ramble over). 

Early in my engineering career, I joked with a friend and colleague that one day I'll be VP of this company.  He joked, not if I beat you there first.  I wasn't completely arrogant, I knew that one day would be 20+ years down the road, but I had ambition.  I got told I was smart and capable, receiving good performance reviews those first couple of years.  Both my friend and I should now be project managers within our organization, if we are continue on our path to VP.  Neither of us are PMs.  Him, probably because he's Hispanic (which is a post for another day) and me, probably because I'm a chronically ill female (the female part is also a post for another day).  

Here's the part of the story where if you want, you can call me a whiny little shark. Suzie, there are tons of sick people who succeed every day in engineering; you just need to suck it up, you big baby. That's your decision to call me whatever, but it's my decision is to speak about my observations and truth. Plus, I've already told myself plenty of times to suck it up, so it wouldn't be anything new to hear you call me that. I've already beat you to the punch (I was first to do it, na, na, boo, boo, competitive engineer strikes again!).

Alright now that we got that out of our systems, let's move forward with this story.  I got really sick in 2007, see other blog posts for more details, and it took until 2008 to learn that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis.  And also in 2007, I was this close to being fired from my job/company.  Somehow I didn't, and here's probably the one cool thing my company has done for me over the years, they helped me go on to FMLA (to protect my job) and as I slowly recovered, allowed me to be part time.  At that time I was so thankful, and to some degree, I still am thankful today. 

But it was the first set back in my career for being chronically ill. I mean, I almost got fired. That's pretty big set up.  In this competitive industry, if I didn't have someone above me be empathetic about my plight, I would have been let go.  In fact, at any other tech company I would have been let go. Our industry is more competitive than it is empathetic. You ask, how do you know for sure if you were someplace else, you would have been fired?   Because it happened to my friend Emma. Her company basically fired her for being ill. Let me emphasis basically here; yes, there probably are nuances to her case. Overall though, her MS limited when and where she could work, and her company at the time didn't know how to define work within those parameters (I am hopeful that now they do).  There was no let's renew your FMLA or talk about going onto long term disability. They didn't have time to figure it; they had to get on with business.  

I understand their position, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch someone who loved being an engineer so much (and who you care about), shrink and wilt. So much so, that she thought she wouldn't be welcomed anymore in our very supportive female engineering society. She thought because she didn't officially have the title anymore, how could she be in our professional society? How could she attend society meetings without being an engineer?  She was fighting to get long term disability from the insurance her company carried, and her mother won Emma's case postmortem.  It was a bitter victory to say the least.

I've been told more than once from different managers, being a part time sicko employee, "Know that your career is limited," and "you'll have career growth, it will move more slowly."   Those statements are (unfortunately) correct.  Ever year as part of our performance assessments, we have to write down our long term goals.  Since 2008 (the year I started feeling better and went from 24 hours to 30 hours), I have written my long term goal as "project leader."  Managing a team has been a career goal for me for 8+ years.  I am a task lead, but I don't directly manage anyone.  To move up to the next level within my company, that level specifically calls out for supervisor/manager experience.

So the end of 2016 and yesterday (2017,) I explicitly wrote down that I want to be a supervisor and why I'd be a good supervisor. No vague project leader term (because you could possibly be a project leader without any direct reports/supervisees). I explicitly asked to run/manager team. And then I voiced my concern to my manager (in our one on one) about how my career growth feels limited if I don't have the opportunity to manage someone (even just one intern, how hard is it to give me one gosh shark intern?).  First time, it was our company, specifically our project, is not set up to manage a team remotely or part time.  Second time around, it was, well our project just doesn't have any teams to manage currently, but I'm willing to help you find that opportunity with another project, especially one set up around remote work.  

Okay cool, that's a fair answer. However, it showed what I already knew a couple of years ago (I mean after 8+ years of not reaching your long term goal, you start to get the hint that your career is stalled).  If I want my career to grow, I need to work on another project or leave the company.  I doubt I can shake the stigma of being a chronically ill engineer, so my best opportunity for job growth is to leave the company and work someplace else, where they don't know I'm a sicko.  

It's tough to see 2 engineers with 10 years of experience have the opportunity to be supervisors. Another engineer with 8 years become the manager of the test team and got his own office (while you're still in a cube). A different engineer with 4 years  of experience will be put on the project leader team this year. Another engineer with 2 years of experience is accepted onto the Engineering Leadership Program.  I'm not saying their opportunities aren't well deserved, because the opportunities are deserved, those people have worked hard; I'm just saying that I've worked hard too, so where's my opportunity for growth?  It's certainly not here.

The good news is that now that I have accepted that I have no room to grow at my current company, I'm no longer indifferent about the salary I make.  I know engineers make a lot of money compared to other professions, but when you're an engineering making 10K less than another engineer at the same level, it's one more indication of how being sick this industry really hurts your career. Real quick, my company pro-rates my salary, my salary is based on 40 hours/week. So technically if my performance reviews said I did a good job, then my 40 hours/week salary should be within hundreds of the other people who work 40 hours and who are within my level.  I have a feeling my counterparts don't make what I make, and if they did, why are they still here?  Our company (according to Glassdoor.com and Salary.com), are underpaying you!

Anyway, I feel that I can no longer be complaisant about my salary (not like I felt a year ago in The Salary). Sometime in the next 2 weeks I'm going to ask for the average salary of someone at my level. I feel like I owe it to all the sickos and other discriminated people out there.  By staying indifferent about my salary, I'm only hurt those around me.  I know, how unselfish of me.  Yes, I am doing it for myself too. It's important that I do it for me (my self-esteem could use the boost right now; I'm wallowing in my own pity party).  But somebody has to speak up for the disenfranchised, so I might as well speak up for them while I'm standing up for myself. And what do I have to lose? Job opportunities at my current company?  Oh wait, that's already in the toilet, so yeah I have nothing to risk by asking for more.  For the sicko club (it's like the Breakfast Club, but we're all napping in the library instead of dancing and sharing information about latest diet/treatment/medication instead of high school gossip), fist raised victoriously in the air!

So, the morale of the story?  Don't get sick in engineering. Your career depends on you staying healthy.  Take your vitamins. Exercise. Get your flu shots. For those of us who battle diseases and chronic illnesses. I promise to stay in this industry until my fingers are all gnarled and knotted and I can no longer type (but by then maybe the workplace will have cognitive software, think The Matrix, and I can just blink my TPS reports over to my boss, and I could stay even longer in this industry).  I know the longer I stay in this industry, the better I make it for others like me.  That's my promise to you: that through my trials and tribulations, I'll make this industry better for us all sickos. That one day, no one will measure your career by the number of sick days you took.  One day, it will be okay to be sick in engineering.

*1/7/17 Update: I've had 2 engineering friends who have auto immune diseases share with me their career struggles (aka stalling).  I deeply appreciate them sharing their stories with me.  And one even shared some statistics from this post.  I'm developing a secret hand shake for us sickos, so that we can advocate career advancement for each other in our industry. Is wincing in pain after shaking hands too spot on?  Take care!

4/5/16- The Trend

Want to know the latest trend this spring?  Just look at social media feeds and other news sources, and you'll discover that what is being talked about over and over again is Women in STEM.  In particularly, the lack of females in Computer Science and Engineering (sorry Medical Science, but you seem to have close to the 50/50 ratio that CS and engineering only dreams of, so we won't really talk about you).  You'll hear stats like 18% of CS workers are women, 10% of engineers are female, etc.  And that it's been this low for decades.  And the different approaches to get more women in tech/engineering. And all the horrible things women in tech/engineering have to put up with/overcome.

As an advocate for women in engineering (and to extend the outreach branch a little more, CS/tech), I'm excited there's so much dialogue about the issue and how can we change the industry to be 50/50 and equal.  Yay for people talking about it, and it being everywhere!  But what is the cost of it being trendy, I wonder?  When will this trend end?  Is it just a fade? All fades/trends seem to end. Or best case scenario, it's cyclical, and Women in STEM will be a popular topic again in 10 years.

Also it's time for a true confession (like in Real World; just image me in my confession booth).  I really dislike that it's popular right now to be a woman in engineering/tech.  In general, tech is the cool; it's in, it's hip (whatever the kids on Real World 50 are saying these days).  The rebel in me enjoyed being an engineer (in part) because it was not cool. It was counter-culture; now it's popular culture.

It is also giving me a big ego.  I'm so cool and awesome and special because I'm an engineer. It's what everyone is talking about and what everyone wants or wishes to be (in my skewed Real World view).  In a way it is like being a reality star celebrity; hot one minute, and probably forgotten in the next fifteen minutes (when the next social cause comes along).

Now that I've done my confession, I'll get over my dislike and ego trip of being a trend because my care and passion to get more women in the industry outweighs my need to stand out, to be a rebel.  I'm sure some of you will be receptive to how I feel (maybe even some of you also dislike how popular it is), and I'm sure some of you will be upset (and wish I wasn't an advocate because how could an advocate wish for people to stop making tech cool?).

The question facing this trend then, is how to make sure that the topic of Women in STEM doesn't just fade into the background?  I'm not sure I really have that answer, but here's my hope. Hopefully, the advocates from before it was trendy, and the advocates who are jumping on this bandwagon (may they never get off the wagon), keep up their work to recruit and retain women in the fields of STEM. Even when the topic is not cool anymore.

For a great op-ed on the trend, check out Amy's editorial on US News:
Why Do We Need STEM Toys for Girls?

And then kind of related, online discussion about "pink STEM toys":
http://mashable.com/2016/01/24/coding-girls-pink/#aE9CM7E3PEqU
http://pigtailpalsblog.com/2013/11/stop-using-stereotypes-to-sell-stem-to-girls/#.VwPzXaQrLIV